REQUEST NO #1

„Never forget: I am a child of you both. I have now just a one parent, the one I live with, the onewho cares of me the most of time. But I need the second parent as well.“

Our legal system enables models of joint custody, shared custody and sole custody. Each of this hasits pros and cons.In real, joint custody, when the parents jointly cares of their children, is used just by a small numberof parents.

Shared custody, a model when the child lives for certain time with one parent and certain time withthe second, is widely used. However, some parents think (with no reasons) that they do not have topay any child support if the shared custody is ordered.The most used model is a sole custody of one parent with wide contact of the second parent with thechild. Sole custody means in the Czech law, that the parents are obliged to make decisions together,otherwise court order is needed. The sole custody is usually accompanied by contact order. In thepast, contact every second weekend used to be a rule. This has been significantly changing, currentlythe judges are trying to enable the contact with the second parent as much as possible. So, solecustody sometimes seems like share custody. It depends on each judge or the parents, how much thecontact can be extended, or whether the contact will take place in workdays or mostly on weekends.The key is an individual treatment of each family while deciding the case.

So, classical share custodyis contact in 50:50, but there are also models of partial shared custody, that is more flexible and theparents are free to decide how to use the time.

Sometimes the nomenclature of custody makes trouble just even when thinking about childarrangements. Some parents can be due to various reasons delicate to word “joint custody” or “solecustody”. They may feel that they are losing their child.Therefore, I was delighted by an attitude of a judge who mentioned in her judgment days of oneparent and days of the second parent, without saying what kind of custody this is. So, she stated that“Jane will be with the mother from Monday to Thursday and with the father from Thursday toMonday”. It is possible that somebody is against the form of this decision, however from our point ofview it is more important that the parents were able to find agreement together and they are notstressed by what custody they have.

The message of the first request is that the child needs both parents. Psychologists say that in variousdevelopments stages more one than the other, but still both. Sometimes legal term of custody makesstress and fear and complicates parental communication, which is crucial for calm childhood andeven a condition to fulfil the first request of the children.

We wish all of us as parents, to communicate together about issues that are important in raising ourchildren up to response to their first request with flying colours.