REQUEST NO #12

“Please let me bring my friends to my new two homes. I want them to know my Mum and My Dad as well and see, how great they are.”

Friends and schoolmates are important persons in children´s life. They make the situation of the family breakdown bearable. They are persons, the child can make stupid things with, play the games with. Persons the child reveal the child a bit out of the pressure, the persons the child can talk to. Therefore, it is normal when the child says everything about the situation to the mates. On the contrary, if the child hides information (including sadness and anger) inside, something goes wrong. We, parents, should be curious about the friends and ask whether the child had a chance to talk about the situation with them, what they said about it and how they reacted. We support the child in understanding that the family breakdown is not stigma and that it is not the fault of the child.

Next important persons are also adults out of the child´s family. Especially teachers at school and at kindergarten, after-school lecturers, trainers. These see the child for considerable time of the day, they share with the child his or her success, and feels his or her disappointment. We, parents, should inform these adults about what is going on. And also, we should stay in touch with them and ask repeatedly how the child manages the situation and what he or she needs from us, parents. Mainly class-teachers can provide us with useful feedback about current feelings of the child.

Let´s support the child to maintain contact with his or her friends and to find new in new world of the second parent. They are more important for the children than we even think.