REQUEST NO #2

“Do not ask me who I love more. I love you both. Do not say bad words about the second parent,as this hurts me.”

The child loves both parents. It is not possible to measure love. Each parent has his or her own faultsthe child sees. Mum gets angry more often maybe. Dad has less time maybe. Or on the contrary. Butthe child loves both parents (it is proved that even children who are abused by their parents, lovethem). So, there is no sense in asking this question. Despite the unreasonable ground, the childrenare interviewed by the parents (and also by some professionals) this way. The child is then forced tosituation, when he or she must vote and chose one parent. And starts thinking: if I say I love my Mummore, Dad gets mad. If I say I love my Dad more, Mum bursts into tears. Please do not pose thechildren to role of judge and do not ask them such questions.

Many parents are asking their children after their return from the second parent, how they were andwhat they were doing. This is an open and seemingly harmless question. But if the requestingparents seems that the time spent at the second parent was a time at hell, as the second parent isincapable, never-interested at child etc., the child will learn very quickly to respond very shortly(“fine” or “nothing”), or in a way to get rid of the parent. The children learn very soon to say aboutthe second parent not-really-nice things or lies. It is not because the child is bad or wants the parent,but simply because the child was placed to this situation by his or her own parents.

So, let´s ask the children open questions and let´s support time spent with the second parent andbear in mind that all we give the child, will get back to us soon (nice and also bad things).